I don't like sundays. I think noone does. Some people hates sundays cause they have this feeling of the weekend being over, monday ruins the whole fun of sundays. I can't remember liking or disliking sundays before. I definately didn't like the sunday ritual at my ex-boyfriend's: big family lunch, chatting and watching futbol. I always made an effort to enjoy it, but I was living my life in a "fast mode" and it seemed like a lot of wasted time. And it was the feeling too. The feeling of being judged all the time. Surely I wasn't, but I couldn't shake off that feeling, some days was my career, others my appareance, my jeans, others I felt like I had no life... Gosh, I was way less stronger than now, way more insecure.
I do hate sundays now, but try not to think about it. I work on sundays. And is BORING. I usually work 6 hours in the afternoon, which means I can wake up as late as I want and still do some stuff in the house or go out for a walk. Te problem is that those 6 h in the shop are boring. Anyway, that has nothing to do with our sunday of shame. Is just that when I'm bored I think, and think and think!
Sundays are also the day that french fucker, if he wants to come to the shop, can't avoid me (he knows when my breaks are, and always stop in then), so there we are, little visit that put my mind to work. Gosh girls, there should be some kind of gadget to shut up our thoughts! Anyway, we re being decent now, I say hi, he say bye, I don't feel like talking in french with him (I love that language too much to ruin it in a conversation with such an arsehole!). But we are decent. I don't care really.
But I do care about the guy that has ignore me (??) for 2 weeks. I know, he is not ignoring me, and that's the second part of my sunday of shame. But at the same it, isn't he? I made obvious that I wanted to see him again and he barely answered me. Im not pushy, Im not texting or calling.
So, I had 15 min of breake, and went to the shop for a bar of conforting chocolate. Music very loud in my ears and me thinking on whatever I was thinking I see this guy in a cap. My ex-housemate uses caps all the time, so I looked over kind of exited to share a bit of a chat. After 3 seconds staring from behind I realize is not him and when I turned around a thought came into my mind, of course, it had to be him. Half of my mind is saying, go and hide! the other part, more girly is telling me to go over, pick anything from the shellfs and go and smile and send him to fuck off!!!! I just walk through a line like a I have no idea whats going on, I give my back to him, if by the time I get to the til he is gone, whatever. He wasn't of course, and he must have seen me before, so music off and lets face a chat with the guy Im desperate to sleep with again (is not even that! I just would really like to sit down with him and a glass of wine or a beer and chat!). So it goes well, we chatted for 5 min (its hard to talk in spanish for god sake!) and the part of me that wanted to run away said I had to go to work, and just left. Not looking back. I can't cope with the fact that he may not care. He may doesn't give a shit!
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